Expectations

Today i cooked.

Or at least i think i did.

What would have been a fun exercise turned out to be a souring experience as an unenlightened educator in the form of my father led me to have a momentary dislike for cooking. I looked back on how seemingly unthoughtful words and expectations have an effect on children. The role model whom kids look up to feels that they are incompetent. And i would say rightly so because though they can work on the task, they may not be good at it. Is degrading the kids in such a way justified? I should think kids know none the better and they may simply consign themselves to being lousy at whichever activity. Worse of all, it may be a self-esteem issue if the child is not able to differentiate between an attack on his ability on a task or his ability. As Burt Goldman rightly mentioned, all kids are born creative and geniuses.  It is when well-intentioned parents constrict their creativity by telling them “you can’t do this” or ” don’t do that” because they wanted to protect their kids from failing, that they start to lose confidence in themselves.

I strongly believe in the potential of humans and i know for a fact that talents have to be nurtured in an encouraging environment. Granted some have a stronger internal compass than others but given a more positive environment, everyone can benefit from positive feedbacks and encouragement.

Sometimes kids just have to be given the free rein to do their thing. So where should parents step in? At a very young age, kids may not be able to differentiate harmful things like drugs and cigarettes or unlawful activities from normal play. Especially with the rising sex and violence from television. Humans have an amazing ability to imitate the actions of others even at a very early age so parents should gently explain in a meaningful way why such and such actions are undesirable instead of, “don’t do that”. You may think they will not understand such concepts and that is true to a certain extent. But many stuff they are capable of comprehending. Faced with abstract concepts like violence and justice, that is where the trust in parents come in. Which is why parents should work to gain the trust of their children and not just rely on the fact that they are adults and therefore they are right.

As for myself, i practically tuned out. And, unfortunately for many people, this may be the best way, short of the hassle of all the explanations. Sometimes we choose to bullshit because its easier than explaining the actual fact.